There were several schedule changes for the June 18 show, so we weren't exactly sure who Dave's guests would be that night. The Late Show website originally listed Tony Danza and musical guest Cesaria Evora. Tony Danza was then replaced with Leah Remini from the sitcom King of Queens. Then we heard that Philadelphia 76er Dikembe Mutombo would be on the show, but it wasn't clear if this was a replacement for somebody or an addition to the lineup. Two guests or three? We didn't know. While standing in line to go in, we heard that Jay Thomas would be on, which would be fantastic. I have never particularly cared for Jay Thomas on sitcoms, but he has always been an outstanding guest on Dave's show, and it would be a blast to see him. Now, in one sense it really doesn't matter who the guests are. We came to see Dave. On the other hand, it's great to have a good guest that Dave enjoys. An occasional crash-and-burn guest can be entertaining too, but I wasn't expecting anyone to pull a Farrah. It's those middle of the road, mediocre guests with nothing to say that we really didn't want, but would happily sit through for the opportunity to see Dave. Well, one way or another, we'd know soon who Dave's guests would be.
Traci passed out TicTacs while we waited.
Finally, the dotted people were led into the lobby of the Ed, along with some "guests of CBS", who would be seated in the front of the balcony. The page with the big hair gave us pretty much the same speech as last year. You are the special dotted people, who will be seated right up front near Dave. You are the audience ambassadors. You set the tone. Laugh, applaud, go nuts. Set the tone. Be ambassadors. Dave has a lot of comedy prepared, more than he can use in one show. Be an energetic audience, set a good tone, and he will feed off your energy [here I picture Star Trek energy-beings] and do the best material for you. Just don't make that wooing sound, which comes out sounding like a siren when the microphones pick it up. Laugh at everything Dave says, even if you aren't sure if it's funny. I really wish they'd lose that last part.
New this year was a big speech about what sorts of questions were okay to ask if Dave called on you in the pre-show Q&A. Don't make personal requests ("Can I have a Big Ass Ham?"). Ask something about the show, or something about Dave's personal life (within reason). Now, we had all been trying to figure out what to ask if called upon, so this part of the speech was actually a tiny bit helpful. I thought of, and rejected, a question about Dave's white drawstring pants (too obscure; Dave probably doesn't even remember owning them). I tried to think of a question about the Tony Mendez Show, but couldn't come up with a good one. A few other things ran through my mind, until it finally came down to either "How come you never mention the Home Office anymore? Is it still in Wahoo, or has it moved?" in the hopes that Dave would move it to my hometown for the night (not an outright personal request, just a veiled suggestion), or "Have you decided what your neck tattoo is going to say?" Traci wanted to ask if she could read Dave's palm, but as a personal request maybe that was a little iffy.
Traci and I finally decided that if either one of us was called on, we would go with the tattoo question, and phrase it to include both of us ("My friend Traci and I were wondering...") Dave has been talking about getting a neck tattoo, so we thought/hoped he'd be amused by the question. It was about him, it would give him a funny phrase ("neck tattoo") that he could work into the opening remarks, and the "my friend and I" wording would allow him to mock us. ("It took two people to come up with this question.")
We were ready for the Q&A. Traci, in her push-up bra, would be sitting next to me in the hopes that one or the other of us would catch Dave's eye. (I was wearing a bright red jacket.) We were audience ambassadors. We would set the tone. Bill Lehecka, of course, would not be permitted to raise his hand this year, even if it took 10 of us to hold down his arms. (He has been called on by Dave twice, and has gotten camera time out of it both times.)
Marilyn passed out Altoids. They were curiously strong.
We also got a speech explaining that we would have to leave the theater immediately after the show. No loitering in the theater, no taking pictures. Hit the road. I remembered from last year how fast they move you out. They don't give you any time to look around after the show, just boom, you're out the door.
5:00. It's time! The pages led us into the theater, and seated us right down in front. Last year I was in the 3rd row, dead center. This time I was in the 3rd row, over on the side by Alan Kalter, which is to say, right in front of Dave's desk. Perfect! Traci was on my left, Karen was on the other side of Traci, Lance was on my right, then Bill on the aisle. Brad was in front of me, Renee behind me. Marilyn and Nick were over on the other side, in front of the band. No idea about anyone else.
Despite what you always hear about the Ed being kept freezing cold, I have been quite warm and comfortable both times I have been to the show. Last year I wore a sweatshirt, and this time I wore an extremely lightweight jacket. I would have been fine in short sleeves. The show goes by so fast there's no time to notice the temperature.
As the rest of the audience filed in, an overly frantic page kept coming over to us to sternly warn "These are high profile seats! These are high profile seats!" No problem. We know how to set the tone. "High profile seats! The sky is falling! High profile seats!" Please, please leave us alone.
The warm-up was about the same as last year. They showed Dave Talks to Kids on the monitors (which I didn't watch; I'd rather watch the activitiy on stage), then Eddie Brill came out. Eddie repeated a lot of the information the pages had given us (no wooing, etc.) He told a joke or two, told us who the guests would be (Dikembe Mutombo and Cesaria Evora; I'm not sure if he mentioned the chef), and introduced the band, who played a song without Paul. Then Eddie introduced Paul, and the band really rocked the house. We all set the tone by clapping to the music, making as much noise as we could. Will was jumping up and down like a maniac while he played, flinging guitar picks into the audience. (It looked like he was trying to aim for Marilyn, who denies it. She did catch a Fab Faux pick, though.) We saw Will break a string and pick up a different bass.
Meanwhile, Kenny Sheehan was polishing the new (blue) stage floor, Pat Farmer took a moment to adjust Dave's chair, and various other people were darting around, such as Biff Henderson, Maria Pope, the Stangels, Corky Ramirez, Dave Dorsett, and I think I saw Harold Larkin. I can't think of anyone else. No, that must be everyone. That's definitely it. Didn't see anyone else. Oh, wait, there was Mike McIntee, who was trying to impress us. Don't worry, Mike, it worked :-). Through all this they played clips on the monitors, which I ignored completely. Someone else will have to tell you what was on the clips; I didn't watch them. There was too much else to look at.
I was watching Alan Kalter and Tony Mendez when I suddenly sensed that Dave was running onto the stage, a moment before Eddie introduced him. Just like last year, it took me by complete surprise. I didn't realize it was that late (it must have been about 5:27 or 5:28; they roll tape promptly at 5:30), and I almost missed Dave's entrance. That's one of the best parts of the show, seeing Dave come running out on stage from a few feet away. Even though you know intellectually that Dave will be there, it's still a surprise when he actually shows up. It's electrifying. Dazzling. I was once again dazzled by the stageside beauty of Mr David Letterman.
Dave greeted the audience, talked about the weather, what a shame it was to be inside on such a nice day, that he was getting paid for it, but here we all were wasting an hour inside, no, more than hour--with all the time getting into the city and standing in line we've probably burned the whole day. (Exactly, Dave, and it was worth every minute.) Corky gave Dave the one minute signal. Dave said he liked us, but didn't like Paul. Paul objected, and Dave insisted he was only joking, which set up Dave's remark "I like you people" when he came out for the monologue. Time was up. Dave didn't take a question from the audience. Shoot.
The band started the theme, Alan started the opening announce, and Dave ran off stage to get his jacket and make his big entrance for the big show.
Now, last year, sitting dead center, I had a great view of Dave when he came out before the show to greet us--I was almost close enough to touch him--but an absolutely lousy view of Dave during the show itself. During the monologue, all I could see was Tony holding up the cue cards. During the desk segments, the view was obstructed by equipment; I could only see Dave from the forehead up. The stage-left side where I was this year provided a clear sight line to Dave during the entire show--the monologue, the desk segments, the cooking segment, everything. Fantastic. I also had a great view of Alan Kalter throughout the show (too bad he didn't throw a fit and rip off his shirt), and saw Tony Mendez running back and forth with cue cards, which he stashed in a little nook at the corner of the stage near where we were sitting. One odd thing that I noticed this year was something funny with the audio. There was a weird buzzing/humming sound from the body mikes, especially Dave's.
The show, as my brother who only occasionally watches Dave described it when he watched the tape, was classic Dave. Dave started things off with a nice desk rant about his computer problems; the way he hammed it up when he said "And you know what the most frustrating part is?" was priceless. Then there was the funny bit about George Dubya letting his dad get rained on, and the disclaimer for the Tomb Raider movie. I was watching Dave throughout all this stuff. (Ignore the monitors! Watch the stuff on stage that you can't see at home.) Dave definitely enjoyed the movie disclaimer (so did I). It was also fun watching him during the Summertime Dos and Don'ts. He seemed to be in a good mood.
Nice interview with Dikembe Mutombo. Dave is always good with athletes, and he seems to genuinely admire the work that Mutombo has done raising money (and donating huge amounts of his own money) to build a hospital in his home country, the Congo.
One little thing that I got a kick out of before Mutombo came out was when Dave said that the Sixers were "dazzled by the courtside beauty of Miss Dyan Cannon". Dave was playing with this phrase around the time of last year's DaveCon (it was the Pacers who were dazzled), and when he started using the phrase again during this year's NBA finals, I knew it was time to go see Dave again. I was happy that Dave used the phrase during this night's show. Traci and I said it out loud along with Dave, but I don't think the microphones picked it up.
After Mutombo, a commercial break. I listened to the band during the breaks--it's great hearing the band live in the theater--and watched the goings-on onstage. There were no ass chewings, just desk conferences with Maria Pope, Barbara Gaines, Laurie Diamond, not sure who else. During one break, someone blotted Dave's and Paul's faces with a poofy make-up thingy.
Then we had the cooking segment with chef David Bouley. Dave did all his classic cooking segment routines. I've seen this stuff a thousand times, and knew exactly what was coming. Still, it was great fun seeing it all in person. He took off his jacket and flung it behind him, goofed around with the chef, pretended to cut his hand, guzzled water from the phony liquor bottle. Then came the surprise of the night. Paul came over to taste the food, Dave handed him the real vodka bottle, and Paul took a huge swig. After tasting the food and declaring it fabulous, Paul took a terrific pratfall (I had a great view of Paul hitting the floor--I saw it from a different angle than what was shown on TV). We were just about rolling on the floor laughing. It was definitely the real vodka that Paul drank, by the way. I made a point of keeping track of which bottle was which. Paul drank from the one the chef was using, not the one that Dave drank from. Dave absolutely loved this. He seemed as surprised as we were, and even sniffed the bottle to confirm that it was the real one after they cut to commerical. Dave just couldn't stop grinning and looking over at Paul all during the break.
When they started setting up for the musical guest, I realized that the show was almost over. It just flew by. No Top Ten. With three guests and a lot of good desk time, there was just wasn't time for it. There was no Top Ten last year either, because, as Maria Pope told us afterward, there was just "too much show." I think the real reason there was no Top Ten either time I have attended the show with AFL is because we are such great audience ambassadors, and set such a great tone, that when we come to the show Dave pulls out all the stops and doesn't bother saving time for the Top Ten. Remember what Big Hair said? Set a great tone, and Dave will give you a great show. Well, we did, and he did.
The musical guest, Cesaria Evora, was a real treat. She has a great voice, and her band was terrific. At home I often fast forward through the musical guests, but a good musical guest is even better (not to mention louder) in the theater, and this was definitely a good one. I could not sit still in my seat, and just bopped around to the music. (Dave sat quietly at his desk, looking at the monitor and occasionally turning his head to look over at the band.)
During a commercial break late in the show, Tony Mendez came over near us to do something with the boom camera that they use for the audience sweep (not sure what he did, adjust the thing, turn it on, something). I waved to him, and he seemed to know who I was. A good sign. Maybe we'd see him after the show.
Oh, and look for me in the audience sweep when they flash the ticket information, wearing my bright red jacket. It might also be possible to see the back of my head during the pan from the balcony down toward the stage at the opening of the show.
After the last set of commercials (they must have had a teeny bit of extra time, because Cesaria Evora got a few seconds of desk time), Dave thanked the night's guests, Dikembe Mutombo and Cesaria Evora. Hmmm, what about the chef? Tony didn't have the chef on the cards. "Nobody told me" got a big laugh. Tony ran off stage in a big hurry, Dave said goodnight, and all too soon the show was over.
Normally, we'd have been hustled out onto the street immediately. Remember Big Hair's speech about not loitering? Well, fortunately, that just didn't apply to us this time.
Part 4: The Post-Show Festivities