Helen Read's Big Honkin' Trip Report
Dave Con 2000
Part 2: The Big Show

Shortly after we were seated in the theater (AFL was front and center, rows 2 and 3; I was in the very center of row 3), Eddie Brill, the warm-up guy, came out to, you know, warm us up. He repeated a lot of stuff we had already heard in the "You-are-the-ambassadors" speech out in the lobby: laugh a lot, don't whoop, etc.; applaud coming in and out of commercials, and applaud the entire time while they do an audience sweep shot later in the show. Then they showed a tape of Dave Talks to Kids on the monitors (I recognized this stuff: it included the kid singing "You are not, you are not, you are not, funny" to the tune of Jingle Bells).

It was cool in the theater to keep the comedy fresh, but not nearly as cold as I had been led to expect from all the comments over the years about the temperature in the studio. I put on a sweatshirt, but probably would have been fine without it.

Meanwhile, I was watching the activity on stage. Kenny Sheehan was operating some kind of floor polishing device on the stage, Biff was running around, and I also saw Corky Ramirez and the cameraman Dave Dorsett. I was also admiring the set. The bridge scene backdrop is stunningly beautiful in person; the TV really doesn't do it justice. There are zillions of sparkly lights all over it, and it has a lot of depth to it that doesn't come through on the TV. Really, it's simply gorgeous.

After the videotape, Eddie Brill introduced the band members as they came out one by one: Anton, Al Chez, Tom Malone, Bruce Kapler, Sid, Felicia, and the guy filling in for Will. The band started playing. Eddie introduced Alan Kalter, our announcer, ladies and gentlemen, and then Paul Shaffer. I was watching Paul and the band playing--they sound great, not to mention loud, in person--when suddenly Dave comes RUNNING out onto the stage, a moment before Eddie announces him. I was taken completely by surprise--I'm just listening to the band, joining in the rhythmic clapping, and all of a sudden, yikes-a-hootie, here comes Dave!

Dave came out to the front of the stage with a hand-held microphone. He was standing directly in front of me, approximately 12 feet away from where I sat. He looks great in person, fit and trim and healthy, which was so great to see after the heart surgery scare. He greeted us and made a few remarks, was witty and charming, and honestly I can't tell you much of what he said. I was dazzled by the stageside beauty of Mr David Letterman :-).

Dave asked if anyone had any questions, and several AFLers, myself included, shot up their hands. (I was planning to ask about the phony letters on the Tony Mendez Show.) Dave called on AFLer Bill Lehecka. This is the second time this has happened to Bill, and it is blatantly unfair, and you are going to have to read Bill's trip report to find out what they talked about, because I am just too crushed that I was not chosen, and this is all about me, not Bill :-).

Suddenly the band starts playing the opening, Alan starts the announce, and Dave runs off the stage so that he can make his grand entrance with Andrea and Nadine.

Before the monologue, Dave makes a comment about Dayton, Ohio; you are going to have to ask Bill Lehecka for details. I'm just too bitter to talk about it :-). The camera takes a shot of Bill Lehecka. Seen in the shot, left to right, are Marilyn, Nick, Bill, and Lance. I am seated behind and to the left of the shot, and cannot be seen. Shoot.

Next came the monologue, during which Dave's face was completely blocked from my view by the cue cards, ably held by Tony "Inky" "Big Ink" Mendez. I was surprised at how high he holds the cards--basically right in front of Dave's face. I only got occasional glimpses of Dave's face when Tony lowered the cards slightly, or when Dave moved around a bit. I mostly got to see Tony Mendez changing cue cards, and pointing at portions of the card with his finger.

At one point in the monologue, when Dave was setting up a joke about a Bearcat scanner, there was a pause when a fly landed on Dave's hand. Dave then says "What kind of a septic tank are we working in?", which drew laughter and applause. I didn't get what the septic tank remark was about until I saw the show on the TV later, because I didn't see the fly.

After the monologue, Dave checked in with George Clarke (locked up in the boiler room), and then it was time for America's Fastest Growing Quiz Sensation, Know Your Current Events.

The first KYCE participant, Bobby, was seated at the end of my row, about 6 or 7 seats away from me. (Renee was right next to Bobby's brother Keith, the one who "might want to find a gym".) It was very cool when Dave came right down into the audience, so close to where we all were sitting. Once Bobby stood up however, I pretty much could not see Dave, as Bobby was obstructing my view. I got a better view of Dave while he talked to the second participant, Angie (who seemed a bit giddy, but who can blame her), who was on the other side of the aisle.

When Dave listed the categories for KYCE, I was hoping someone would pick Know Your Shaft, since it sounds like a silly category. Bobby wanted KYCE, but Dave told him that he really wanted Know Your Wedding Announcements From Last Sunday's New York Times. It was great to hear the band get to sing such a long title!

I was struck during KYCE, as Dave chatted with each participant, and later in the show when he talked with Ramona (the Survivor castaway) by how great Dave is at unscripted conversation with regular people. Now, this is one of the things I love about Dave from watching the show all these years, but somehow seeing it live was all the more impressive--you could really see that he was doing it on the fly. Dave is just incredibly attentive to what people are saying, has the perfect comeback lines, remembers everything that is said so he can use it again later, and can instantly come up with a relevant anecdote or comment out of thin air (his computer story while he chatted with Bobby was outstanding). It was a treat to see the master at work.

Both times that Biff ran down with the KYCE prizes, there was a quick camera shot of the AFL section of the audience. The camera moved fast, following Biff, and I could not pick myself out on the tape despite repeated viewings. About the only one I could make out was Bill Lehecka, and haven't we already seen enough of Bill Lehecka :-)?

After a commercial, we had Campaign 2000, which was great as always. I had a great view of Maria Pope and Ramona (the Survivor castaway), a sideways view of Alan while he read the sponsors, and a lousy view of Dave. In fact throughout the desk segments, including the Samuel L. Jackson interview, I could only see Dave from approximately the eyes up; there was bulky equipment (a camera and a big black box) right in front of the desk.

Ramona was interesting, Dave handled the interview beautifully, and they let it go on nice and long. We did our job as audience ambassadors and tone setters by booing when we learned that the Survivors got their water from a drum buried in the ground; the booing rippled back from us. At the end of C2K, when Alan asked "And how did that make you feel", several AFLers called out "Like a loser", despite our instructions not to call anything out during the show (well, we had to, how could we not?). You can't hear this on the tape, though.

Good interview with Samuel L. Jackson, whom I could not see at all. Still couldn't see Dave (except for his forehead), but I ignored the monitors on the principle that whatever I missed I'd see on the broadcast later. Instead I watched Dave's forehead, and the band, and whatever else I could see on the stage. The dueling mugs (with the Shaft theme) was a great bit, and the music for Paul's mug ("Sometimes when we touch") was an inspired choice. (I did have a good view of Paul and the band throughout the show.) We laughed, and we were ambassadors, and we set the tone for the rest of the audience.

They showed comedy clips from past shows during the commercial breaks, but I ignored the monitors. The band plays throughout the breaks (did I mention that they sound great in person?), so I watched the band and the activity on the stage. Pat and Kenny were seen running around, and at various times I saw various people talking to Dave (he stood up from the desk during the breaks, so I could actually see him over the equipment). Included in various desk conferences were Barbara Gaines, Maria Pope, Mike McIntee, and Laurie Diamond. I'm not much of a lip reader, but I did see Dave nod or shake his head a few times, and say things like "Yeah", "No", "Okay". Fascinating, huh?

During one of the breaks late in the show, they did a camera sweep of the audience, which was shown with the ticket information on the screen. Many AFLers are clearly in view during the sweep shot, and finally I can be seen on the TV. I am vindicated :-). I no longer feel like a loser. The world is saved. (I'm wearing a denim-blue colored sweatshirt, and can be seen moving from right to left across the screen near the very end of the shot. I have a big smile on my face.)

After Samuel L. Jackson there was a lengthy commercial break while they set up for the musical guest, P.J. Olsson. They brought in musical equipment, set up candles on the stage, and so forth. At this point I realized, damn, the show is just about over. Really, it flew by. During the song, Dave sat quietly at his desk in the dark (I could actually see him at that point, since they had moved the equipment), looking the other way (presumably at a monitor), and only occasionally turning around to glance at the musical group. It was a weird, rather Dada-esque song; something about Visine, an underwater symbol (cymbal?) filled with energy, and a jellybean with wheels. Yeah, whatever.

Another break, and then Dave closed the show, got up from the desk, said good-bye and thanks for coming to the audience (with the hand-held mike), dashed off the stage, and blam, we are done.

Part 3: All the great stuff that happened after the show.

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